Not Carbonated

Wake the Ghosts

2010-05-03T22:04:00.002-10:00

I'm here to get in that yearly post! Mathematical! Check this out. www.recordtripping.com/

From sea, from air, from afar.

2008-12-24T09:37:00.002-10:00

I moved back to California last Sunday. I didn't realize how much I was going to be missing everyone and everything from Hawaii. It's freezing here,which isn't exactly a bad thing I guess. I did miss being cold. I even got a cool hat to wear because it's cold, so that's a plus.

Anyway, I live like twenty minutes from the city here, so I can't really do anything without a car... which I don't have. Hopefully I'll be in business when I get a car, but cars are kind of hard to come by.

My friends that are here have definitely changed. One of them was kind of freaking me out already because they were being hella pugnacious when we taco'd, which is definitely not cool.

Despite the downfalls, I think things we be alright once I get settled in. I've really come to realize how near and dear my friends in HI were now though. So I've decided to get rich, build a huge theme park based estate, and invite all of my close friends to live there rent free. And there's private jets. So yeah. Anyway, I guess I'll try to keep things up-to-date, but not too much is really happening yet. I saw Valkerie in the theater like a week before it premiers though! That's cool. Hook-ups ftw.

Organic Fast Food

2008-10-11T03:35:00.000-10:00

Me @ Age 3

2008-08-20T22:46:00.001-10:00

This kid should win an award of some type.

All Aboard the Express Train!

2008-08-07T01:00:00.004-10:00

THE best movie of the summer. Go now. Bring the dutch.

The Soul Of The New Machines

2008-07-22T12:56:00.002-10:00

Lolzors. There's more here

Old school Hop with a new school Hip

2008-07-18T11:57:00.001-10:00

IFH Mondays

2008-07-18T11:48:00.001-10:00

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Step Brothers Deleted Scene

2008-07-17T13:11:00.002-10:00

See more Will Ferrell videos at Funny or Die

If this was a deleted scene, there's gotta be some funny shit in this movie.

Vegetable Band

2008-07-17T11:49:00.001-10:00

They apparently serve you fresh vegetable soup as the encore. These guys are smoking the finest.

Feist with apple second with elmo

2008-07-16T16:39:00.002-10:00

First with Apple, now with Sesame Street. Tell me that you love me more. Monsters walking across the floor. Fucking genius.

Zombie Kid

2008-07-14T14:29:00.002-10:00

Most Insightful Interview Ever

Totally had forgotten about this video. This kid is god.

Status.

2008-07-09T22:57:00.002-10:00

status quo (http://definr.com/status quo)

n : the existing state of affairs

I've come to realize that the status quo is bullshit.

The Dark Knight

2008-07-06T20:09:00.000-10:00

Kick It!

2008-07-06T13:38:00.003-10:00

Kick It!, originally uploaded by DillonIsaacs.

Totally awesome timelapse.

Archipelago 5-0

2008-06-17T11:32:00.010-10:00

Hawaii is a unique Pacific melting pot, where Polynesians, Chinese and Japanese out number the whites. The 50th State, with it's golden beaches 5,000 miles from the American capital, was once the home of the now, unanimously-presumed candidate of the Democratic party in the 2008 presidential election. In regards to residents, Haoles (or whites) and blacks are undoubtedly the minority of this tourist trap. The state is comprimised of eight "main islands" - Ni'ihau, Kaua'i, O'ahu, Moloka'i, Lana'i, Kaho'olawe, Maui, and Hawai'i (aka the "Big Island"). The state capital is located on O'ahu in the city of Honolulu.

All of the islands are populated, but O'ahu out numbers all of the islands. To better put things into perspective, O'ahu is the island where there are numerous malls, two Best Buys, Circuit City, Macy's, Nordstrom, and many other corporate douche bags, oh, and meth addicts. The other islands barely have any stores, let alone malls with retail chains in them.

Many of the residents speak Hawaii Creole English, also known as Pidgin, which has roots from the Hawaiian, Chinese, Japanese, Filipino, and Portugese languages. Many residents speak pidgin, but then there are 'mokes.' Mokes are usually of Hawaiian, Filipino, or Japanese descent. They are the Hawaiian modern day gangsta's.

In order to become a moke, you must normally have an IQ of 50 or below and love to participate in the following activities: being huge (sometimes obese), hating haoles, loving island/Hawaiian music, saying "Dakine" and "Ho, Braddah", driving trucks, surfing, working construction, eating, putting Hawaiian pride stickers on their trucks, putting "Ai No Kea" stickers on their trucks, being aggressive, acting aggressive and tough, stealing shoes and slippers, speaking pidgin, being a bouncer. If you would allow me to demonstrate, the audio quality is terrible, but their language is almost always non-comprehensible anyway so please stick with me.

Don't get me wrong, Waikiki, on O'ahu is paradise. The strip of city is surrounded by water on almost all sides; by the ocean, and the Alawai Canal.

The storm drains in the Honolulu neighborhoods of Waikīkī, Kapahulu, Mānoa, and Moʻiliʻili empty into the canal. Because of this, signs are posted along the Ala Wai warning users not to swim in the water or eat fish caught from the canal. Despite the water quality issues, the canal remained a popular area for some forms of aquatic recreation, with canoe paddling teams practicing along the length of the canal.

In March 2006, heavy rains overwhelmed the sewers around the Ala Wai Canal, causing a pressurized sewage line to break. Mayor Mufi Hannemann decided to divert 48 million gallons of untreated sewage into the Ala Wai Canal in an attempt to avoid having the sewage back up into the hotels and residences. This sewage then tainted Waikiki and the nearby beaches, leading to closures of the beaches for health reasons. One person died after falling in to the Ala Wai Yacht Harbor, with his death being attributed by some to the higher levels of bacteria present after the flood
Text from Wikipedia

I live at the Ala Wai Yacht Harbor, also known as the Ilikai Marina or the Ala Moana Boat Harbor, and it is extremely volatile at times. I do unfortunately surf at Kaiser-Bowl's which is where the Ala Wai lets water out. I will soon be known as the eight limbed indian child, thanks to bacteria and other harmful chemicals in my eyes, limbs and stomach.

Hawaii's suttle underground meth addicts roam the streets at all times of the day (now that Dog the Bounty Hunter is gone... but he'll be back shortly!!). The island's homeless are famous, tired, hungry and extremely rancid. The sometimes-not-so-fresh joint you can purchase for a whopping 20 dollars at Kaiser Bowls (probably around 0.3 Grams of Marijuana for $20. Rip off.) is a good tourist attraction as well, unless of course you are Kama'aina.

Kama'aina rates are hidden prices for residents to take advantage of - for discounted items. Kama'aina means 'of the Islands', or one who has lived on the islands for a long period of time. These rates are a good way to stereotype and segregate groups of people (Mainly Haoles to rip them off). When I first moved to the Islands, I had trouble getting Kama'aina rates, but as soon as my skin turned from pale to dark brown, I'm considered 'local' and can obtain these silly Kama'aina rates (with a Hawaii State ID and my skin tone). For example, when I first began surfing and renting boards, it used to cost me $10 for 2 hours, but soon became $3 for as long as I wanted.

The 5-0. The police here are definitely everywhere at all times, doing nothing. They do seem to blend their cars in incredibly well. The police force cannot afford enough patrol cars for their officers, so many officers end up using their own vehicles. Speeding on the highway, as you can imagine, is becoming increasingly difficult to accomplish with potential cops along your route. Everybody on the road ends up running every single traffic light, and nothing happens about it. People do occasionally get caught for running a red light if it has been red for longer than 10 seconds.

Honolulu is a tourist trap, go to the big island or to Kaua'i to really experience Hawaii. You may have a higher chance of bumping into a moke there, but at least those mokes are real gangstas - they'll throw you into a volcano, never to be heard from again.

BMI & Daily Needs Calculator

2008-06-06T18:39:00.008-10:00

Just thought this was quite interesting. Check out your own daily needs @ NutritionData.com
Surf has been picking up, 3-4ft at Bowl's today - didn't get to go though. Monday the surf was not so great at Kaiser-Bowl's but pretty sweet at Diamond Head. There have been contests going on at Bowl's side - Jim, Dillon and I almost fought with a "contest bodyguard" 2 days ago. The experience was pretty hilarious, but the surf was amazing. Dillon and I created a new band called "Less Chinese Landlords." We'll be famous soon enough.

BMI & Calories Burned Report

You are a 23 year old man, 5ft 7in / 170cm tall, with a current weight of 170.0lbs. You lead an active lifestyle, and participate in the following exercise:
150 minutes of surfing, body or board

Your Body Mass Index

Your current Body Mass Index (BMI) is 26.7.

BMI is a standardized ratio of weight to height, and is often used as a general indicator of health. The "normal" BMI for an adult man of your height is 18.5 to 24.9. This translates to a healthy weight range of 118 to 159 lbs.However, BMI does not take body composition into account. A weight above this range could still be considered healthy if your percentage body fat is less than average. For more accurate determination of body fat levels, consider using a body fat caliper.

Your Calories Burned

Here is an estimate of your daily energy needs...

Calories Burned

Daily Energy Expenditure:	3117 kcal	( 13050 kJ)
Additional Calories from Exercise:	+ 443.0 kcal	( 1855 kJ)

Estimated Energy Requirement:	3560.0 kcal	( 14905 kJ)

Note: Accurate determination of the Calories you burn can only be accomplished by individual physiological testing. This calculation is merely an estimate that was derived from regression formulas and data provided by these sources:

2002, "Dietary Reference Intakes for Energy, Carbohydrate, Fiber, Fat, Fatty Acids, Cholesterol, Protein, and Amino Acids," Food and Nutrition Board, Institute of Medicine.

Ainsworth B.E., 2002, January, "The Compendium of Physical Activities Tracking Guide," Prevention Research Center, Norman J. Arnold School of Public Health, Univ of SC.

In the above table, the Daily Energy Expenditure includes Basal Energy Expenditure (BEE), the energy consumed by daily activities, and the Thermic Effect of Food (TEF).

This estimate represents the total daily Calories needed to maintain your current body weight. To gain or lose weight, you may need to adjust your Calories upward or downward from this amount.

Your Recommended Minimum Daily Needs

Here is an estimate of your minimum daily nutrient needs, based on the Dietary Reference Intakes (DRI) established by the Food and Nutrition Board, Institute of Medicine (IOM)...

-----------------------------------



Total Carbohydrate	130.0	g
Dietary Fiber	38.0	g
Linoleic Acid	17000.0	mg
Alpha-Linolenic Acid	1600.0	mg
Protein	62	g
Vitamins
Vitamin A	3000.0	IU
Vitamin C	90.0	mg
Vitamin D	200.0	IU
Vitamin E	15.0	mg
Vitamin K	120.0	mcg
Thiamin	1.2	mg
Riboflavin	1.3	mg
Niacin	16.0	mg
Vitamin B6	1.3	mg
Folate	400.0	mcg
Vitamin B12	2.4	mcg
Pantothenic Acid	5.0	mg
Biotin	30.0	mcg
Choline	550.0	mg
Minerals
Calcium	1000.0	mg
Chromium	35.0	mcg
Copper	0.9	mg
Flouride	4.0	mg
Iodine	150.0	mcg
Iron	8.0	mg
Magnesium	400.0	mg
Manganese	2.3	mg
Molybdenum	45.0	mcg
Phosphorus	700.0	mg
Selenium	55.0	mcg
Zinc	11.0	mg

Note: The above recommendations are only estimates of your minimum needs, and do not take into account any illness or genetic individuality. These recommendations are specific to men between the ages of 19 and 30, and may differ from the standardized Daily Values used on nutrition facts labels. Some of the nutrients included in these recommendations are not yet tracked by NutritionData.com.

Your Recommended Macronutrient Distribution

Based on your age, the IOM has established the following recommended ranges for macronutrients in your diet...

Recommended Ranges

Carbohydrate: 45 to 65% of total Calories

Fat: 20 to 35% of total Calories

Protein: 10 to 35% of total Calories

Generation 'Y' Bother?

2008-05-31T11:40:00.002-10:00

Lately I have seen a number of Op-Ed articles both in the news and on the web that have expressed disappointment with my generation of Americans. Having immigrated to this country with my parents when I was a young boy, I was forced to cope with the most glaring of cultural differences between my country of origin and Northern New Jersey. This gave me an increased sensitivity to the events that defined my generation. Growing up in the 90’s, the peak of economic prosperity in the United States, was like floating in a vessel of warm goo while being fed a never ending roll of Fruit By The Foot. I was raised in the booming suburban town of Wayne, where the only wars people cared about were between video game consoles. The atmosphere, though thoroughly insulated from world affairs, was very oppressive. Children were, of course, taught bigotry by their parents. Why else move to the suburbs, right? In elementary school we had to choke down all these racist and classist judgments right before homeroom like an untoasted strawberry Pop-Tart, lest we find ourselves the subject of our vice principal’s wrath or our peer’s hypocritical ostracism.

You watch Nickelodeon well into your teens, but tell all your friends your watching MTV (thankfully the profits go to the same company). The hero of the popular cartoon show “Doug” taught me that growing up would be a series of embarrassing events, with nothing to soothe the trauma but a lesson in the episodic nature of friendship. Kudos to you, Doug! Carson Daly, the illustrious host of the hit music program “Total Request Live” (TRL, for short), showed me that at any given time of day, there is a mob of people screaming and holding up signs in Time Square. Not only that, but they’re foaming at the mouth for a chance to be given a single frightened and awkward look by Mariah Carey.

If only my parents had raised me with the attentiveness that I showed my Tamagotchi, I could have evolved into a monstrosity capable of cleansing the country of the plague that my generation became. In middle school, I remember reading articles in the local newspaper that warned parents of the fact that many children my age were already having oral sex, and cursing my parents for not getting me that pair of baggy Paco Jeans which I was convinced would have gotten me laid. You see all our fashions descended from the hand-me-down styles of the neighboring ghetto’s, not by paying attention to any of the 4 black kids in my 300 student class. Dressing in loose clothing and wearing your hat backwards doesn’t necessarily make you a criminal, but in this case it does mean you want to look like one. At least it worked for the kids who were doing it right, all I got was a wardrobe full of ‘L’ and ‘XL’ t-shirts that don’t fit my ego at its presently reduced size.

Unable to grasp even the most rudimentary forms of functional discourse, my generation embraced the increasing availability of cellular phones and, more importantly the advent of text messaging. Now you no longer had to steal mom’s pager to find out that “CORY’S A FAG!!!!!!” or which stairwell he’s getting pummeled under. You could count on the assailant’s girlfriend to hold his new Tommy Hilfiger jacket, which was of course designed by a gay man, while the onlookers would cheer at the shining spectacle of the most popular kid in school letting the last drops of his humanity drip from the cracks in his knuckles. A solution is never far from the source of the problem, competitive sports have long been lauded as an alternative to teen violence. In high school I decided to join the most placid looking one, Track and Field. I didn’t have to worry about the evils of drugs and alcohol, while an indulgence in either would have probably earned me some real friends. Instead, I was welcomed onto the team by a senior class that gladly introduced our naive and arrogant countenances to the putrid smelling school toilets from whence we presumedly came.

Generation Y is the first generation in many decades of American history that decided not to ask ‘why’. We were spoon fed everything we came to believe, and we lapped it up like a Cheeto snack that’s been on the floor just shy of 5 seconds. Not a single trace of counterculture to show for itself, the baby boomers might as well have raised Cabbage Patch dolls. Now entering the world of adults, and a receding economy, it’s Generation Y to the rescue and back to Brooklyn for the new season of MTV’s “The Real World”.

Pork Butt

2008-05-28T23:17:00.000-10:00

The most tender part.

Our new House

2008-05-27T12:09:00.002-10:00

Totally Sweet. Sweet Deal. Right next to BK. Close to the beach kinda. Pets OK. Awesome.

The Looping of Poop

2008-05-24T16:46:00.001-10:00

So today was the first visit at a qualified professional, and I have to say, it was a good visit. Well, it may have been better than good.

First off, Bandit won the hearts of everyone there by crawling out of his rising sun tote and peering at them with a slightly tilted head. He then investigated a two-month old puppy in the waiting room. that alien-looking dog was quivering so hard... I have never been so proud. Yes Bandit, you have accomplished so much with your intense lazy-eye stare of death.

The actual examination was up next. He rather did enjoy the scale (he's a whopping 2 pounds, 8 ounces) and the de-worming medication (awesomely liver flavored) but after a butt-thermometer, talk of "looping poop," and a booster shot... I can safely say he doesn't like the vet. The act of looping poop is where the Vet sticks a thing in the cat's butt and tears shit out of it.

We walked away with a kitten starter kit, free bag of science diet kitten food, poop vial (I passed on the looping of poop because I don't want to violate him any more than he needs to be), and the knowledge that this Afrikan child is 9 weeks old and counting.

Thinking its a scam

2008-05-24T13:13:00.000-10:00

Charles Zhang is in the second grade. China had a really bag earth
quake. He will deliver the money in the bag. Red cross coughed up 11
cents to print my photos and photo copy my note and tape them to the
box it was shipped to the store in and put on the counter. Upon
inspection: Box is empty

My new little child from Afrika

2008-05-20T19:53:00.000-10:00

Feast your eyes upon Bandit.

Aaaay

2008-05-19T15:08:00.003-10:00

Anteaters are the four mammal species of the suborder Vermilingua^[1] commonly known for eating ants and termites.^[2] Together with the sloths, they comprise the order Pilosa. The name "anteater" is also colloquially applied to the unrelated aardvark, numbat, echidna, and pangolin.

Species include the Giant Anteater Myrmecophaga tridactyla, about 1.8 m (6 ft.) long including the tail; the tamandua or collared Anteater Tamandua tetradactyla, about 90 cm (3 ft.) long; and the Silky Anteater Cyclopes didactylus, about 35 cm (14 in.) long.

With the releases of Iron Man, Speed Racer, and Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian, and soon to be released, Indiana Jones: The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, there is little time to read about Anteaters. Anteaters are on the incline online, and will not be featured in any of the films above or any of the upcoming movies this summer. Such as in these films: Sex and the City, Kung-Fu Panda, Zohan, The Happening, The Incredible Hulk, Get Smart, Wall E, Hancock, Wanted, Hellboy II, The Dark Knight, Step Brothers, X-Files, The Mummy 3, Pineapple Express, and Tropic Thunder. Who knows, maybe Bruce Wayne owns one as a pet in the Dark Knight. Of these films, I hope to see maybe atleast a cameo of Aardvarks and or an Anteater.

Text from Wikipedia.com, Pictures from Digg
read more | digg story

Vog

2008-05-16T18:32:00.001-10:00

Crazy amounts of vog today. My sickness is probably worsening thanks to it. I may be allergic to Bandit the kitty. I may only be allergic to his flea collar. Possibly his fecal matter. Who knows, but the vog is definitely terrible today. The traffic is especially bad on days with vog for some reason. Photo was taken right by Loves Bakery on H-1 near Likelike Hwy.

A Study in Color, Angles, Light, Matt Longo, and the Element of Fire

2008-05-15T12:21:00.008-10:00

Poptart and Bandit

2008-05-13T19:23:00.003-10:00

Waaaaa, originally uploaded by Mash.

Poptart and Bandit made a surprise appearance into my life on my birthday this year. Crystal's cousin recently found a litter of kittens belonging to his cat with no home... so Crystal gave them to me! Anyways, Dillon got Poptart and I chose Bandit - they're both Males and twins.

Since the passing of my 20 yr. old cat, Tofu, I have been reluctant to have any relationships with animals. The harsh reality of attachment seemed too great to be worth putting time into another animal. But with the introduction of these two new alien life forms, I am enjoying pet relationships again.

Andrew Recommends [Week of 5/17]

2008-05-12T10:29:00.005-10:00

Titus Andronicus - "The Airing of Grievances"

This band is generating a lot of hype right now. I hope they don't go 'Vampire Weekend' on everyone. This album took a little while for me to settle into, but it's well worth it. The band's from Glen Rock, NJ which is about 10 miles from where I live. I don't know them personally (mash?), but my ex-girlfriend mentioned something about knowing a kid who used to be in the band. Fuck yeah! VIP Motherfuckers! VIP!

I really like the shoegaze influence here, and the music has an uplifting quality of turning the knife that you stuck into the back of every regret you've ever been forced to feel. You literally want to sing every song at the top of your lungs. The recording has a rough texture to it, which I think makes it a more genuine sound. I hear that they put on one hell of a live show so pick up this album and join me at this show at the Music Hall of Williamsburg (Brooklyn, NY) for a good ol' fashioned drunken singalong (Health is headlining!).

An Eye for an Ice Cream Bar. A Tale of Crime and Punishment.

2008-05-11T11:35:00.005-10:00

My relationship with the ice cream man isn't perfect, but what relationship really is? The other day I was in raptures when I heard, through my own screams of anguish directed towards the state of existence, the unmistakable sound of an ice cream truck creeping its way up my street. I hurriedly threw on my terry cloth robe and ran out the front door. He was already a hundred yards ahead and I was standing in the middle of the road, about to give up all hope, when suddenly that sweet melody that emanates from the cone shaped speakers atop the vehicle changed their tune into a monotone signal, the truck was reversing.

Before I tell you the details of our much longed for meeting, there is a story behind my amazement at this seemingly commonplace incident. Of course, ice cream trucks are supposed to travel down residential streets and attract crowds of smiling children. Readers who are familiar with my other work may intuitively assert that my brand of cynicism effectively reduces the probability of my being raised with this privilege to 'highly unlikely'. Well they would be correct, and even though I can't blame everything on the ice cream man I can sure as hell try.

Growing up in a suburban neighborhood means coping with the conflict between what you possess and what your neighbors/peers/co-workers proudly claim rights to. You see, when I was a young boy, the sound of the ice cream truck was fainter than most of you may remember it. I'm not talking about the bittersweet doppler effect of that one encounters as the truck approaches their home and then continues on down the road. In my case it was the crushing realization that the truck is...how do I put this? GOING DOWN EVERY STREET BUT YOUR OWN!

The first thing you ask yourself is always: What's wrong with me? But years of therapy have taught me to abstain from this type of inquiry. I decided to get the opinion of a young lady who I met at a party not long ago. Her response: "Hah, I guess there weren't many kids on your street." The fact is that I cannot be sure if there were other children on my street. You see my relationship with my neighbors was complicated by my intense fear of strangers and not everyone comes outside to cry "Was this in your fucking plan?!?! Well, was it!?!?!" when the ice cream man has once again decided not to grace you with his presence.

I am, however, acquainted with a few of my neighbors. For instance there are the chronically ill-we don't own a TV-evangelicals who reside next door. As I vehemently argued when I was young, instead of waiting for Him to save you, why not use your political influence and petition the local ice cream man for a little Good Humor? Alas, I resigned myself to accepting that my affair with the ice cream man just wasn't meant to be. Now imagine my surprise when, almost a decade and a half after our move to this town, I witnessed with my own eyes the emergence of the ice cream truck on my street. Here is a transcript of our fateful meeting:

Ice Cream Man: Hey there, I almost missed you! What can I get for you?

Me: Oh, I don't have any money, you see I'm unemployed right now.

Ice Cream Man: Is that right? Well then, you see, I can't sell you any ice cream.

Me: That's alright, what I want to know is why now? All this time I've heard you go down everyone's street but mine.

Ice Cream Man: [laughing heartily] So you want closure, is that it?

Me: No...not exactly. Just...will you be coming back?

Ice Cream Man: That depends on you. Are you willing to get a job, and join the rest of us hard working Americans in our struggle for success?

Me: I'm going to write about this on my blog later, does that count? That's got to be worth at least a Snowcone.

Ice Cream Man: That sounds like an ice cream sandwich to me. [reaching into the freezer bin] Here. I'll be watching!

An ice cream sandwich, the most unacceptable of rewards. It reminded me of something that happened back in first grade when our teacher was given the same treat from a student of a class next door, in which they were having a 'party'. Repulsed, our teacher decided to offer the treat to one of the students in my class. We were told to guess a number between 1 and 500 and whoever guessed correctly would lay claim to the prize. My heart raced as I tried to decide on which number to choose. We were not given much time, and as the teacher walked around checking what each of the students wrote down I buckled under the pressure and copied the number the Indian boy next to me chose, '200'. Fortunately my turn came first, the guess was correct and I had won! So for the duration of the class, I devoured my ice cream sandwich, and the only sweetener I needed was the jealous gaze of that Indian boy.

Then I realized, as I sat on the front steps of my house eating the ice cream sandwich, that it was the result of the labors of middle class Americans and that it was made for their enjoyment not mine. Who am I to feel any sort of entitlement when I am nothing but a hungry leech on the workforce's backside? The truth sent a stinging sensation throughout my body. I knew that I had to resolve the injustice that I had committed. I walked over to my invalid neighbor's doorstep and left the half-eaten ice cream sandwich in their mailbox. It felt good to do the right thing.

Ice cream truck image courtesy of knittinginthedark.com

Wisdom

2008-05-06T23:46:00.002-10:00

Grandfather, originally uploaded by Mashbot.

Flickr Pro accounts are awesome. I just upgraded, and I can't believe I didn't do it sooner. I've posted many high-res photos, this being one of them. My Flickr. Worked all day today at Geeksquad & Metropark again. Excited to go surfing tomorrow. Signing off. Good night.

Children and Booze

2008-05-05T22:01:00.000-10:00

Rejoice!! History!! Kodomo no hi is here! Cinco De Mayo is here! Always falling 5 days before Mashu no Tanjobi - aka my Birthday. This day is significant in the two cultures I find myself pretending to know what I'm talking about.

Kodomo no Hi (こどもの日; meaning "Children's Day") is a Japanese national holiday which takes place annually on May 5, the fifth day of the fifth month, and is part of the Golden Week. It is a day set aside to respect children's personalities and to celebrate their happiness. It was designated a National holiday by the Japanese government in 1948.

Today is also Cinco De Mayo. The day of the Spaniards.

Cinco De Mayo (Spanish for "5th of May") is a regional holiday in Mexico, primarily celebrated in the state of Puebla. It is not an obligatory federal holiday. The holiday commemorates an initial victory of Mexican forces led by General Ignacio Zaragoza Seguín over French forces in the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862. The date is observed in the United States and other locations around the world as a celebration of Mexican heritage and pride.

A common misconception in the United States is that Cinco De Mayo is Mexico's Independence Day; Mexico's Independence Day is actually September 16 (dieciséis de septiembre in Spanish), which is the most important national patriotic holiday in Mexico.

Pictures and definitions courtesy of Wikipedia.com

I know how to speak their languages, Japanese and Spanish: as I attended Japanese school as a young Asian boy, and took my Spanish courses in high school too seriously. I received a 790 on the Japanese SAT II. It was all thanks to the powers I obtained on May 5th, 2000. On this date, I was fed a drink of tequila by my father to celebrate. There was some mutated strain of mucus in the drink, which when mixed with my saliva created the worst hang over ever.

Now, this might be a stretch, but I am a Marvel character. I'll start out by saying I'm better than Tony Stark, and I'm better than Bruce Wayne (whom deem themselves as super heroes, but are just normal beings). I'm just not a Clark Kent, or Bruce Banner, whom pride themselves with laser eyes and obscenely strong testicles ("Testi-cless Fuerte" if you follow Cinco De Mayo regionally). Super Man may have the upper hand, but I'm a numbers man. Think of Jim Carrey in 23, except I can receive powerful blows to the head, and I'm not fucking crazy. I was born on the 10th of May, 1985. My brother, November the 22nd. My first place of residence, 21 Balmoral Dr. My second place of residence, 14 Stacey Ln. My third, 7 Bell St Apartment 210. My girlfriend's birthdate: October the 5th. Have your eyes rolled into the back of your head yet? Maybe I have to list them out... hold on.

5/10 My Birthdate
6/12 202 Days remain in the year
7/14 170 Days remain in the year
8/24 My father's Birthdate
9/18 First mailing of anthrax letters from Trenton, NJ in the 2001 anthrax attacks.
10/5 My girlfriend's Birthdate
11/22 My Brother's Birthdate
12/4 My mother's Birthdate
21 Balmoral Dr
14 Stacey Lane
7 Bell St
Apt 210

Not satisfied yet? After years of training and damage to my rectum I seem to always have a bowel movement around 5:10 pm. I always seem to wake up and look at the time at 5:10 am. I always seem to have work at 9:30 am or 5:30 pm. It's terrifying to see that I am such a numbers man. If I can tune my powers correctly and slant my eyes enough, I can look like Hiro Nakamura. I can even sound exactly like him if I wanted: that says something.

In other news, I leased a brand new '08 Honda Civic last week. I put $1600 down, and worked the guy 'til I got him down to $230/mo including tax. The surf totally sucked today. Dillon and I were able to fit our boards into my car. My 9 ft board fit with room to spare. I smashed some tourist kid in the face with my board though, totally not my fault; totally hilarious. We also attempted to go get our Hawaii State Driver's Licenses before the surf, but failed to do so. Just didn't go. Going on my 19th day straight of working both Geeksquad and Metropark. Some days were just Geeksquad or Metropark, but some were both. My lack of posts can be attributed to this streak; which according to the scheduled dates I have received so far, will go on for another week. I always try and update my Twitter though.

OH GOD YES!

2008-05-04T21:19:00.005-10:00

A brand new Nine Inch Nails album, called The Slip, just came out of nowhere tonight. This one has lyrics and is completely independent of Ghosts I-IV which came out just a few months ago. It's completely free to torrent you can download, at any digital recording quality, and is described as "a thank you to our fans for their continued support." It features the two singles that were recently released, "Discipline" and "Echoplex", and I really enjoyed the latter.

Now if you will excuse me I'm going to listen to this very loudly, despite it being 3:30 AM.

Update [4:51 AM]: It's gooooooooooooooood.

Andrew Recommends [Week of 5/3]

2008-05-02T17:59:00.004-10:00

Boris - Smile

Choice Tracks - "Buzz-In" , "You Were Holding An Umbrella"

This is some psychedelic stoner shit right here. If you've never heard of Boris, they're an experimental rock band from Japan. The name comes from a song by The Melvins, and not surprisingly their influence is present in a large sampling of Boris's work. Smile is, believe it or not, the fourteenth full length album from Boris and it brings a pleasantly overwhelming variety of sounds that I find to be very immersive. Its got what fans of the heavy stuff crave, with heavy distortion and droning guitar sequences. There are vocals on every track of the album (something unusual for Boris) and they are sung by three of the four band members mostly in a mellowing Japanese. After listening to Smile I wouldn't recommend it as a starting point as much as say Pink, but it's certainly an album that you'll come back to for all the right reasons.

Stories From Joyous Youth: "Maple Syrup for the Axe Murderer's Soul"

2008-05-02T09:31:00.011-10:00

Trees come in all shapes and sizes, evolution...my dear Morpheus...evolution. Surrounding my house are several trees of man made origin. We planted them, or rather I got paid by my parents to plant them, and over the years I have had the unique pleasure of watching them grow.

I specialize mostly in evergreens. One of my proudest accomplishments is the pine tree on the side of my garage. There used to be, in almost the same spot, another kind of tree (I was too young at the time to know its species) which was situated next to my old above ground pool. This pool has long since been removed, but back in those days I hated the old broad leaf that stood there. Without fail, it would posit it's leaves and bulbs into pool water every day I wanted to take a dip. Having not yet outgrown my OCD I had to diligently sift out every scrap of detritus from the water's surface before diving in. This was tedious work, and the tension between the tree and I would build season after season.

Until that faithful day when I was 13 years old and I dealt the bastard tree a fatal blow to its trunk with my fathers hatchet. It started as a single strike, but the sight of the tree sap seeping out of the wound sent me into a terrible rage the likes of which mankind has never witnessed (except my brother, he was standing there too). I must have hit the tree five or six times, which was in no way close to chopping it down, but had had the unanticipated effect of killing it for on the following year it did not bloom. That's when my father cut it down and ordered me to plant another, less irritating, tree in roughly the same place to...oh I don't know...restore order to the universe. From Home Depot they brought me a pine of modest size, six feet high at the time, and I took great pains to ensure that it was planted correctly.

Now, almost 10 years later, my pine tree stands at roughly 50 feet! I have watched it grow, of course, from my upstairs bathroom window. We have had many chances to bond over the years. I fondly reflect on the way that it's prickly branches would recoil into my face as I tried to navigate my way around them in my father's riding lawnmower. It also provides me with great cover so that my next door neighbors can't see me smoke weed behind my garage, or at least I think it does, but I'm probably wrong.

Even this Buddhist shrine is dwarfed by the size of my pine.

Well you all know where the story goes from here. They get big, you don't see them anymore, and before you know it they've mated with other pine trees and you have to replace the blade on dad's lawnmower because of all the pine-cones you mistakenly ran over. My parents had my upstairs bathroom renovated and the window was covered with ceramic tile. I had always wondered if they removed the actual window from the other side, or if it's still there to signify the parsimonious folkways of our faith (a Menorah in the window, if you will). Then the other day I ventured to the side of the house that the pine tree obscures only to discover that it was in fact still there.

Don't come a knockin' when you see smoke come out of that little square vent!

What can we learn from all this? Perhaps that George Washington had OCD or that society in the mid 18th century would not condone swimming in a pool of cherries and bird droppings. Especially not in an above ground pool for I am certain that they have never been in vogue.

Look for more stories about my childhood on NotCarbonated in the near future, or at least while I'm reading Proust!

Aspire to retire

2008-05-01T01:35:00.002-10:00

What if I told you I thought I might present the idea of - yours truly - going into harms way by trying to take a bite at some of Sheppard Fairey's light? I possess the ability to menstruate onto a canvas which can capture the essence of true beauty. Added with some skilled sprays using cans of spray paint, I'll capture the attention of many. Of those; Metropark (where I am currently employed) will take my art in and use it as their own. I will take advantage of the general manager's say in the company to get the word out. Thanks to their terrible market structure, I will only be reimbursed with accessories and free shirts.

Update: I don't know what I was trying to say. I was in another dimension when I sent this post from my cellphone. Sorry.

Video Revival! [4/2007]

2008-04-30T14:43:00.004-10:00

RIP Albert Hofmann, Inventor of LSD

2008-04-30T06:04:00.003-10:00

He died at 102 years of age. Look at this article and read about his first experiments in which he discovered LSD by exposing himself to it.

Thank you for doing this great service to humanity Mr. Hofmann.

Mr. Mustache, Mustache San, Misour Moostachio

2008-04-27T23:39:00.004-10:00

To whom it may concern:

Mustaches. We've all heard of them. Many of us have home to fear them. Yet few of us brave them.

This is a call to action. I am organizing a day of mustaches -- Mass Mustache Day. I will be ordering numerous mustaches to hand out to my brave comrades. To those who hear the call -- be brave, wear them all day.

"Why are you doing this," one might ask. The answer is simple, really. Mustaches are awesome. Many heroes of history have had mustaches. A mustache is a way for us to transform ourselves into awesome man-bots (men robots). That's double awesome for you. Manliness AND robots.

To those of you who are willing to fight, thank you and may a mustache be good to you. To those who oppose us, be afraid. A wave of mustaches will roll over you, smothering the life out of you. We are ready to take full control of all non-mustachios. Get ready to become slaves.

If you grow it, they will come.

Public Alert: Our Food Is Probably Carcinogenic

2008-04-27T09:31:00.007-10:00

I was very disturbed after seeing this and I think more people should know about what's going into the food we buy. I found this documentary linked by someone on Digg.com and then it just disappeared completely. The funny thing is that the very article that was being dugg stated how this film was being repressed on the Internet by Google and several media outlets. The video is in 12 segments but you can find a link to the torrent of the continuous version on the site.

And take look what BBC News put up on their site today.

Da Mirrion dawrah bay bee

2008-04-27T02:24:00.002-10:00

This is the true aftermath and powerful effect of Million Korean BBQ. No joke, Dillon is geniunely passed out. We have just established a stable connection with the moonanites. The end. Time now: 2:30am, over.

PS. The title is pronounced by an mongorian. The Million Dollar Baby.

Driving Next To A Hummer Feels Like Having A Gun Pointed At Your Head. Here's Why...

2008-04-26T18:33:00.008-10:00

I believe in openly talking about your fears with strangers. Being forthcoming about my insecurities has helped to prevent any possible misunderstandings that could stem from my social interaction with others. For example, an acquaintance of mine recently told me that at the time of our first meeting he mistakenly assumed that I "don't like to be touched" and also that I was "really pale and should go outside for a change." We had a good laugh! I explained to him that I only fear insects and heights.

So for you my shining cousins I will reveal a rather unsettling suspicion that I’ve had for the past few days. Have any of you ever noticed something wrong with Hummers? I’m not talking about their deplorable fuel consumption or uncanny ability to bestow their owners with instant 'Pimp' status. No, I think it’s more like they’re robots…yes, robots IN DISGUISE.

So what’s my logic for coming to this most dubious conclusion? Dear friends, here it is. Ever notice how people who drive hummers are complete tools? Well you’re not far from the truth, they’re actually holograms meant to deceive you. However, the lies stop there because the women that are attracted to these holograms are in fact 100% real. And perhaps you’ve seen the Hummer commercials? Where at the end the “H” and the “3” that make up the logo do this thing where they link into each other and spin around. That’s EXACTLY what I’m talking about!

On Monday I was driving on Rt. 17 and there was a large Hummer driving like one foot behind my car while I was in the shoulder lane driving 9 miles an hour for some reason that none of you will ever understand. But I feel like the people who were with me…kind of understand. Anyway so I’m pretty sure he was blasting Coheed and Cambria and I was scared out my fucking mind. I like them too, but not enough to die for them. Especially when it’s involving those fucktard Decepticons, even less one named “Megaglobeatron”. Don’t ask me how I knew his name. Here’s a hint: Draw a truck on a piece of paper, hand it to your mom, and ask her what she sees. What I’m saying is that we gotta do something with our lives man…like assemble a fleet of dodge Neon’s and fight back!

Into the Wild

2008-04-26T01:58:00.004-10:00

I just finished watching Into the Wild for the first time. It's a great film that captures what happiness is outside of the game of life.

The movie reminded me of sleeping outdoors in California. I used to walk around with a tarp and Army issue sleeping bag looking for a comfortable place to sleep. Honestly, it's a something everyone should try.

The photo on the right is of the country I would wander around looking for a comfy spot; it was my home -- Paso Robles, California. Lucky for me, it doesn't snow much there. It does get down to the thirties and forties at night, but the sleeping bag I used was real warm and covered my head.

I'm going to start looking for that old sleeping bag so that I can sleep out under the sky again.

The RX Bandits

2008-04-25T10:53:00.012-10:00

Calling all Rx Bandits fans... you're doing it wrong. Here are some dates of shows that I might possibly be able to make. It would make so much sense, as they're on consecutive dates, and close together. Man that'd be cool. Pictured left is Matt Embree: singer.

PS. Harold & Kumar is out today. I hope I get to see it

Jul 31 2008 7:30pm
School of Rock East South Hackensack, New Jersey

Aug 1 2008 7:00pm
Highline Ballroom New York, New York

Aug 27 2008 7:00pm
The Troubadour West Hollywood, California

Aug 28 2008 7:00pm
The Troubadour West Hollywood, California

Andrew Recommends [Week of 4/26]

2008-04-24T09:09:00.006-10:00

Health - Self Titled

I first heard of this band when I saw them open up for Crystal Castles

(with whom they teamed up to make the song “Crimewave”) and they

don't sound like any band I've ever heard before. You could classify

them as noise rock, and that would be an understatement. Their live

show was completely out of control, as you'll see from the video

below that I nabbed from Pitchfork TV. Their only album may be

nothing new to some of you since it came out last September but for

those who have not discovered them yet, they come with a serious

recommendation from me.

Time Travel? Like Dorothy, You’ve Had the Power All Along.

2008-04-20T20:04:00.004-10:00

The key is under your arms, or wherever you want to smell good.

You may be comfortable with the idea that dudes aren’t interested in science fiction topics like time travel, but you’re wrong to feel that way. Human beings have fantasized about traveling back in time since day one because of several innate components of our inner lives: memories and regrets. We distinguish between the way life is, and the way we wish it would be. At the heart of this desire to change the past is a hope that we, as individuals, remember the past so that we can prevent ourselves from making the same mistakes again and again. Unfortunately as time goes by the lessons we’ve learned tend to factor less and less into our decision-making.

Environmentalists have taught us to find new uses for things that we already have. With their will in mind, I searched through my possessions for any item that I found to be limited in application. Hours later I found myself in the bathroom getting ready to go out, and then I remembered my search. Picking up an ordinary can of Axe™ body spray, I asked myself what other uses this product could have. I considered several hypotheses including using the product as a rescue tool. If one was trapped inside a burning house they should be able to apply this product and summon a horde of women to shield them from the flames with their bodies. Certain that I was off to a good start, I thought of more uses for Axe body spray until…

At last I stumbled upon a way to travel back in time via Axe body spray. All you have to do is buy a different fragrance every month, spray it on every day as you normally would, but instead of using the whole can leave at least 20% remaining. Then label the can for that month and store it someplace safe. Whenever you need to confront a situation that relates to something that happened a while back, just spray some of that month’s fragrance into the air in front of you. This will cause your present day feelings to be overpowered by nostalgia and you will be able to tackle the situation as if it happened yesterday.

Since its inception, Axe body spray has offered men masculine names for already existing fragrances. Also noteworthy, is the ingenious concept that women have noses and find enjoyment in certain smells. With this new application mentioned above, dudes everywhere can not only think that they smell great but believe that the past is their ally as well. This knowledge can empower men to discard the illusions of the present, and feel the harrowing insight that can only be delivered to us by the tearing open of an old wound. Having a streak of bad luck? Take yourself back to a better time in just seconds! Expect to say things like:

“That was the best. Seriously.”

“Oh man…I really was upset when she left me.”

“Dude this isn’t the first time you’ve left this shit out here.”

“Fuck I’m out of January…FUCK!”

and

“Who knew that a horrific car accident could smell so good.”

I spoke to several women about this concept, and they were at a loss for words when I explained that by putting this method into practice I had discovered that we had already slept together. Since all feminine fragrances are considered “gay”, I feel as if this gender-exclusive method gives me the edge. However, women can benefit themselves by becoming better acquainted with the bitter scent of defeat, which they are certain to encounter in the near future.

Radiohead/Chopin

2008-04-19T17:49:00.002-10:00

Radiohead cover by Jack Conte mixed with Chopin, it's pretty sweet, mainly posting for Andrew. I think he's really talented, and his myspace music page is jam packed with sweet music. He also is really good at making music videos. Look him up on youtube. k, back to work @ Geeksquad.

Uncut footage

2008-04-18T20:10:00.002-10:00

I'd have to say, I seem to be a professional slacker at work. They installed this camera at Geeksquad today, due to internal theft issues or something. Since the new installation, I have already found the secret to success. Watch and learn bitches. No editing or clipping was done to the video, only fast Asian movement.

It's Pool Cleaning Season You Sandbaggin' Son of a Bitch!

2008-04-18T09:23:00.014-10:00

Ah…it's 83°F outside

Looks like its time to start up my pool cleaning business again. I've already ordered a decal for my minivan to advertise my premium services.

The concept is that I use Google Maps™ to find people with pools and then I ring the doorbell and offer to clean their pool for free and make my money by advertising (also using Google™) on their front lawns.

Once on the premises I will have the woman of the house show me to the pool. Sometimes you have them right from the moment you say “Free Cleaning For Your Pool, Ma’am?” Other times you have to play the game. I've found success in the past by accidentally knocking her into the pool with the skimmer and then tearing off my shirt and diving in to the rescue. I can also rig the pool chemical tester to show a deficiency of pheromones. Flawless victory.

Original Image Courtesy of bannersunlimited.net

Have Sex while playing Guitar Hero!

2008-04-18T01:41:00.003-10:00

Don't worry, no nudity. Only hilarious geniuses. Blaze, then watch this video. Please watch the entire thing. The Guy in the Background is awesome. Their site advertised at the end isn't a virus like I had expected. It's actually an interesting topic. I should totally Digg this.

Andrew Recommends [Week of 4/19]

2008-04-17T08:12:00.006-10:00

Every week I'm going to do a section on Not Carbonated that offers my recommendations on new music, upcoming concerts, and general events of interest.

Cover photo by Eva Vermandel

Portishead - "Third"

Choice Tracks - "Small", "Nylon Smile", "Threads"

The new album by Portishead, due for release on April 29th (US), is simply wonderful. I'll admit that previously to listening to this album I was only a moderate fan of this group. However their 10 year hiatus since their last release has in my opinion paid off in full. Third is minimalism at its best, offering 50 minutes of highly distinct sounding melodies at times framing the lyrics of Beth Gibbons and other times crushing and overpowering them.

Though it may not be apparent at first, this album album uses pick-of-the-litter beats that reinforce the relevance of a band like Portishead in today's music world. Beth Gibbons' vocals are of a mature feminine presence with lyrics that portray experiences of uncertainty, regret, and a sincere vulnerability. Geoff Barrow and Adrian Utley do a similarly fantastic job with crafting the powerful pseudo-industrial soundscape that gives Portishead it's trademark sound with the biting rhythms in songs like the aptly named "Machine Gun" or ironically titled "Silence".

Overall I was very much impressed with this work, and since unfortunately I won't be able to catch Portishead at Coachella this year I hope they will expand their tour into a more intimate venue in the New York City area. Check out this Live Studio Performance over at Current TV to see the band perform 7 songs from the new album.

There's Some Serious Pollinating Going On Outside

2008-04-16T13:35:00.003-10:00

I left my friend’s place yesterday because he refused to let himself be bothered by a bee that was trapped inside the kitchen. I tried to tell him that you can’t just do nothing. I heard from a vegetarian once that if you stop eating meat, most insects cease to be attracted to you. Sorry we can’t all be perfect.

Spring is a great time of season to be reminded that the past several months of cold dead climate weren’t responsible for making you feel like shit, you just feel like that all year round. In order to reconcile my disappointment I would like to share with you some of my favorite activities to embark upon during this interesting turn of events we call springtime.

1. I call this one “Going Outside And Wondering What Other People Think Of You.” In spring the TV and your family tell you about all sorts of activities you can do. My favorite is taking a walk in one of my town’s parks. Thoughts come to mind while basking in the splendor of all this leafiness and of course the birds. It’s typical to see more people outside doing the same thing as you and that’s why I wonder what it really means to be a part of society again. This spurs the blossoming of doubt, and such aromatic questions as: Which Nine Inch Nails t-shirt should I wear tomorrow (Wearing dark clothing means absorbing more wavelengths of light, that means feeling warm longer as every trace of optimism is drained from your soul by the chilling apathy of the masses)? Will volunteering my services to help clean up our town’s parks get me laid? And Should I get a dog?

2. “Driving around with the windows down, playing music loudly.” Playing LCD Soundsystem and Le Tigre on a nice day can improve your mood, so why not share the love with your neighborhood despite the conservative majority in this town who would spit on your esoteric tastes?

3. “Visiting your favorite street corner.” Or the alternative: “Hanging out with your ex-girlfriend.”

Let the celebration begin!

Kaiser/Bowl's

2008-04-15T14:15:00.004-10:00

This is our surf spot: Kaiser Bowls. It's a great place to surf. The wave in the picture doesn't really do the spot justice. I've seen waves that were triple overhead in that same spot before.

It can get a bit crowded at times, but normally it's very reasonable. The spot has it's own little community; I always recognize people out in the water. Even if you get cut off -- or if you accidentally cut someone off -- everyone is very nice about it.

The area is famous for the way the waves form and break, creating small "bowls." The break is very nice and clean usually, which gives you plenty of room to cut across the face or rocket straight down.

I love this surf spot. In about a month or so, the surf will really begin to pick up and it will be awesome.

Drunk Fucks. LOL.

2008-04-15T00:10:00.005-10:00

When I came home after training, I was met by my girlfriend accompanied by three strangers.

At first I was a little shy like I usually am, but I got to know them a little and they turned out to be really nice. I sold Advil to one of them; it was awesome.

We played Guitar Hero 3 for a bit, but then we were interrupted by our building manager Gilbert. He told us that we needed to quiet down because we were being a bit loud. It's always a little embarrassing to get in trouble, but he's only doing his job. I guess it doesn't help that his room is right beneath ours. It's all good. I'll apologize to him in the morning.

Cheri keeps asking if she can 'sex' me, but I don't 'sex' in public. She gets drunk really easy. I only had three shots and am completely sober. People act so weird when they're blitz. It's really entertaining. :)

So far I've been telling people a bunch of random facts that they find really interesting. It's awesome. I just explained why models do coke. lol.

So far I've made $30 from this party. Awesome. I JUST sold my long board that was ran over by a bus; it's perfect for a beginner. THIRTY DOLLARS! :0

OK, so let's sum everything up. Selling things to drunk people is awesome, drunk people think you're a professor, and drunk girls want to 'sex' you. And I have awesome breasts apparently.

One word: AWESOME.

Ice Ice Baby

2008-04-14T22:11:00.007-10:00

I did not hear about this in the news, so I thought I'd share: Rob Van Winkle (aka. Vanilla Ice) was arrested for beating his wife on 4/11/08. Man, talk about washed up awesomeness. Maybe David Bowie and Queen forgave him, but hopefully his wife does not. For some other sweet mugshots, check out Mug Shot Dujour.

The waves are so sick at Kaiser/Bowl's. Nice set about 15 minutes apart. In betweens has a consistent set, nice wave every 3 minutes, a little bit on the inside though. Wednesday and Thursday are supposed to be sick. I heard head highs, I'm hoping that's true.

Just got off of work at Metropark. It's never too stressful there so it's a nice change of pace from Geeksquad. It's very competitive at Metropark, but I just run game on bitches all day anyway, so I really don't act much different. I have work all day tomorrow, which really sucks - 9:15am ~ 5:00pm Geeksquad, then 5:30pm ~ 9:30pm Metropark. Hot Damn.

'91 Honda CRX

2008-04-14T11:11:00.008-10:00

Update (10:03 pm): I'm no longer going to buy this car... My parents, who still change my diapers, do not agree. They urge me to get a lease on a brand new car... great, another bill to pay. I guess short term, which is what I need, it makes sense. I am currently living in Hawaii for school, also because my parents live here. Once I'm done, I'll be moving back to New Jersey.

Man, been looking for the perfect car for months, and I think I've finally found it. I know I might not be able to fit a short board in it, or my long board on top... but shit, this thing is beautiful. I'm going to take a look at it soon, he's asking 4000 for it. Carbon Fiber hood isn't for me, as it's kinda rice, but I guess it's in my blood, and apparent on my skin. It looks cool, but riding in it might not be, A/C doesn't work. Who needs A/C though. 4000 might be a little out of budget for me at the moment, but I know once I see it, that won't be a problem.

I'm going surfing now, 2-3ft at Bowl's. Looks pretty sweet from the Lanai.

My Local Library

2008-04-14T10:43:00.007-10:00

Ever since I quit my job I've been spending a lot of time in my local library, working on scholarly articles and things of that nature. Usually I spend an average of 3 hours a day there, and though I spend most of that time in a cubicle-esque laptop station, I have peaked my head out on occasion to observe other library fans while I'm running Software Update on my mac (something I do everyday).

Here are my reasons for pursuing this inquiry:

1. Seeing as how my old high-school is next door to the library, I wanted to see if any attractive high-school girls were starring at me. I try to look my best every day I go there, and it's nice to see your efforts appreciated by a quick eye-fuck. Nothing ever comes of it, of course, there's a police station next door as well and there's no fucking way I'm going back in the hole!

2. There's this old lady who comes there every day and is always wearing either turquoise or lavender colored pants. On the chair she sits on she places a single blank sheet of letter size paper which I assume is there to protect her from microbes. My interest in her is two fold: first I can tell the day of the week by the color of her pants, and second I have been trying to see if her paper-on-the-chair strategy is viable in slowing the rate by which the microbes have been eating away at myself and the other library goers.

3. You can't drink anything in the Library. Not coffee, not frusion™ yogurt smoothies, not even water. In fact, anything that's essential to being comfortably alive for more that 3 hours has to be "enjoyed in the Friend's Room". The only "Friends" in that place are a soft drink machine and an 70-something year old woman who's not what I would call a conversation starter. That's why I keep my drinks carefully concealed and always look around before I take a sip.

4. I have untreated ADD.

My findings (corresponding with the numbers above):

1. There are no really hot high-school girls at the library. Turns out they're doing exactly what I was doing after school when I was that age: smoking dope and blowing older dudes at frat parties (that's actually a lie, I was at track practice).

2. That psychedelic lady wasn't there today. See you in hell bitch.

3. My friend M. Longo says that you can't smell it if a person's been drinking top shelf vodka. Is this true?

4. These markings on my desk certainly do look peculiar. At first glance they seem like to have been made unintentionally by years of wear, but you can never discount the genius of some of these high-school pranksters. Now if only I could decipher their code...

Generally speaking, I try to keep my presence low key while I'm in this place. Imagine my embarrassment when a very loud startup tone issued from my mac earlier today while I was installing a Boot ROM update. I was certain the library hags would descend upon me, but the outcome was worse than I expected. The young lady who sat in the cubicle adjacent to me took her leave! I didn't even get to glance at her enough times (I go for 1 look every 30 minutes) to figure out if I thought she was attractive.

I also decided to take out a book today, something that I haven't done at this library since I was 15 years old and lost interest in libraries. At the checkout counter I was told that I had roughly $10 in fines to pay for several books I took out 7 years ago. You can imagine my reluctance when that's perfectly good weed money. However, I could not take my book home otherwise so I paid the fine. On the plus side, I now have the ability to borrow CD's and DVD's from the library which I will of course be ripping to my computer before returning.

On my next visit I think I'll ask for a job application. Judging by the way the Friends Room attendant is looking at me there should be an opening pretty soon. Zing!

Wait, what?

2008-04-14T00:00:00.006-10:00

Damn it. I can't remember if I am supposed to be in English class tomorrow.

Dr. Shaffer said we weren't supposed to come on a Monday... I pick THIS Monday. That will work out right? Right?

P.S. Tonight we dine at the hot dog vendor!

Things To Do

2008-04-13T23:02:00.004-10:00

I just finished watching Things To Do. The plot of the movie revolves around a guy in his twenties named Adam who recently watched his best (and probably only) friend jump off the roof of their office building.

As the story moves along he meets an old acquaintance named Mac. Mac's juvenile behavior is refreshing compared to Adam's glum disposition.

After Mac convinces Adam to do a dunk at the basketball hoop in front of a house, Adam makes a list of things he wants to do in his life. The list includes classics like skydiving and fresh ones like going to the prom.

After some obstacles, they complete the list and learn a few things about life and what they want from it. The movie made me feel better about being bored and had a cool lighthearted feel to it. It's not a blockbuster or anything, but it was 85 minutes well spent.

Dick Masterson

2008-04-13T12:29:00.003-10:00

I hope that's his real name. Edward Norton Look-alike. He's a douche bag, but he fucking BURNS the lady at the end though.

Homeless 2

2008-04-13T10:11:00.002-10:00

Pictured: the homeless cats on the U.H. Campus. The state of Hawaii, not just Oahu, suffers from an overpopulation of feral felines. While on campus, I witnessed an elderly couple feeding the homeless cats out of the trunk of their car. I figured they were idiots, helping the overpopulation continue, but the Hawaiian Humane Society offers an incite into this alarming problem.

From the Hawaiian Humane Society website:

The cat population escalates every summer as thousands of litters of feral kittens are born. While the size of Hawaii's feral cat population is unknown, the Hawaiian Humane Society on Oahu received more than 1,000 of them in June. And 17 percent of Oahu households admit to feeding a cat they did not own.

One un-spayed female and her offspring can produce 420,000 kittens in just seven years, so it's easy to imagine how Oahu's population could grow out of control without human intervention.

Trap-Neuter-Return-Manage Programs -- pioneered in Europe and used across the United States -- are a humane and effective way to improve these animals' quality of life and reduce populations. But consistent monitoring and lifelong commitment are required to effectively manage a colony.

The program relies on the ongoing dedication and compassion of caregivers. Community volunteers who use the humane society's free feral sterilization services agree to manage colonies, ensure veterinary care and help place kittens in homes. They also are encouraged to secure the permission of landowners and residents to keep watch over cats on private property, and to keep feeding areas tidy.

Cat caregivers are an often misunderstood group because they're seen as perpetuating the overpopulation of cats. Actually, they are helping to control the feral cat population and offering a good life to cats without a permanent home.

Cat colonies can be found in vacant lots, behind businesses, on school campuses or in parks. Many cats in colonies have never lived in a home and could not be socialized to do so. Cat colony caregivers win the confidence of these unsocialized felines through visits and regular feeding. Eventually, the cats can be lured into a humane trap, and then brought to the Hawaiian Humane Society

Don't abandon your cat: Releasing a pet cat in a feral colony is a violation of the animal desertion law. Domestic cats may be rejected or attacked by the colony.

Microchip Madness: In August only, cat owners can have their cats microchipped for just $5. For a list of participating veterinary clinics call (808) 356-2290.

Ridiculous. I'm in line to adopt two, a male and female, and attempt to produce 60,000 kittens a year. Shit, I thought this might be an alarming rate, but I could just eat cats for the rest of my life. I could even feed all the homeless people at Ala Moana Beach Park. Man, there are Malasada stands all over the island, let there be Cat Baby Salad Stands. That would be the only solution I can think of. Unless you made special Cat Malasadas... On a lighter note, I do actually want to adopt one and be it's sole care-taker, and love it until it grows into a tiger. It is really unfortunate that these little dudes don't have a roof over their heads and no one to brush their teeth:

Brushing is the most effective way of controlling plaque and periodontal disease and is among the most important maintenance you can do for your pet's health. Studies have shown that brushing three times a week reduces plaque by 90 percent and at least once a week by 75 percent.
For cats, health conditions are more notable in the mouth than anywhere else. If a cat is not showing signs of pain, but significant dental disease is present, it is often an indication of a more serious problem.

Regardless of whether or not you are a cat lover, this issue is terrorizing the campus with cute fuzzy things walking around while I smoke a blunt and walk around. It's kind of awesome, seeing thousands of cats, instead of stupid fucking squirrels. Of course, if you are a cat lover, behold lolcats @ icanhascheezburger.com. Some of the pictures are stupid, but then there are those gems.

In conclusion, I wish I could teach these cats how to surf, so I can contribute to this climb of feral felines. They'd drown no doubt. Surf right now looks awesome. Surfline.com says there are 2-3ft swells - first time it's said that in a while. Thunder Cats Ho.

Cadillac of Sunsets

2008-04-12T20:12:00.008-10:00

The past couple days have been wet due to some light rain and the sky was blanketed by overcast. The surf was nothing special, and the nights were chilly. Today began the same as the days prior, but once noon hit, the sun was beaming down. Every half an hour a huge cloud would disrupt the suns rampage on my skin whilst surfing.

Crystal accompanied Dillon and I surfing today: she came out with a body board and fins. She caught the sickest wave by accident, but none-the-less it was incredible. The waves were pretty consistent at Bowl's, and I was able to blast down a couple faces perfectly. The forecast keeps claiming 1-2 ft., but it was a constant 3 ft face, and there were even some shoulder to head high waves. I can now turn without the use of my hands down the face of a wave. Crystal witnessed me eat shit though: I was trying to turn out of a wave, the white wash ate my board, and I literally flew semi-back flipping into the air over the back side of the wave. It was awesome.

The sunset was everything I'd hope it be for a wonderful day. I wish I could have taken a picture of the entire sky. The day would have ended better if I could have attended Matt Longo's party, with surprise guests: Daybeeeeeed, Bobby Gribbon, and Jeremy. I'm off to smoke with Dillon and watch "Dead Leaves" - whatever that is... I have to pickup from Danny, so I'll be smoking with him first. I totally need to goto Costco and buy Q-Tips. Fuck.

Snorlax

2008-04-12T00:17:00.005-10:00

Rest assured: our residency had top notch security. Lolfats

This guy is always sleeping, and when he is actually awake, his eyes are so far blood shot, it's ridiculous. He looks like he smoked a blunt using his eyes. Oh I understand now, you're trying to smother yourself between your breasts. Succulent.

Anyways, this photo was taken on the way back in from the Cheesecake Factory with Crystal. They have the biggest portions of food known to man. All the food was pretty decent as always, but what drove me to my doom was the fact that I had eaten dinner with my parents shortly before this date. My mom, who only visits a week every 2 months or so from New Jersey, is known to cook my favorite meals all in one sitting. She makes this bangin' Tempura Shrimp that makes me gauge those fucking shrimp right out of their fucking shoes. Damn. Back to the Cheesecake Factory. I learned that Cheesecake factory, is not-so ironically named, after their bangin' cheesecakes. I was immersed in an orgasm of flavor with their Cookie Dough Cheesecake Tower. It was as if I was receiving oral under the table. Shit, get that next time you're there. You'll thank me.

Ralph Steadman

2008-04-11T17:59:00.000-10:00

Just picked up this sweet poster by Ralph Steadman.

And welcome back to Demonoid. Thank the lord. youtorrent has held me up since though, if you haven't heard of that one.

Homeless

2008-04-11T14:39:00.000-10:00

She's only wearing a cloth, and carrying fishing poles. She even had a current bus pass and sweet latex gloves. The surf today was about 2-3 feet at around 12:30pm at Kaiser/Bowl's. Kaiser's was too shallow to surf today, almost hurt myself really bad.

Just got a hair cut and picked up my first paycheck from Metropark... OK pocket change I guess. In other news, my recent trip to New Jersey cost me way more money then I had imagined. The best part was when I received my direct deposit from Best Buy last night, 2 weeks of paid vacation was missing out of it. I'm so fucked this week for money. I went into Best Buy and fixed the issue, but I won't be seeing the money until the following pay cycle... which is in 2 weeks. Thank you Best Buy, and thank god I got paid at Metropark.

Anyway, I'm off to dinner with my parents - where they will be tearing me a new asshole for not having my rent money. I'll be critiquing the restaurant we go to shortly.

Sunglasses

2008-04-11T07:54:00.001-10:00

Walking around Foodland in Hawaii. I think I'll be posting iPhone photos here all the time... this is awesome. About to go surfing: only 1-2 ft swells today. Really slow small sets. I'll be surfing everyday thanks to my paid vacation until the 13th of April. Oh... and I do end up updating my twitter pretty often from my phone as well.

follow me on Twitter

Polaroid

2008-04-10T12:35:00.000-10:00

I've been itching to own a Polaroid camera, just never thought I'd find use for one. Come to find out, Polaroid is allowing it's insta-develop camera's to go extinct. 2 years ago, Polaroid stopped manufacturing cameras for consumers and just recently for commercial use as well.

To my surprise, Crystal purchased me an awesome Polaroid one600 jobpro. She got it from Grainger - her place of work and made my fucking day. Apparently it is the last of it's kind in the inventory, as it has been deleted from the system.

So far, I've taken a picture of Crystal, both Crystal and I, and this morning, a picture of Dillon. There are multiple capture modes, including a timer, light/dark/normal shots, red eye reduction, an elastic hand strap, and even has the tripod thing on the bottom. Crystal even supplied me with some film which was a little aged (over a year past expiration) but I just chugged expired soy milk, so fuck you. The thing about expired Polaroids, is that the photo just doesn't seem to develop completely, and has a semi-sephia effect. It's actually pretty cool because it looks like the picture was taken 40 years ago. Another thing I forgot to mention is that I fucked up one of the pictures I took after shaking it like a mother fucking Polaroid picture. The modern (not for long) version of Polaroids need no fucking shaking! What's that about? Andre 3000, you ass. I can't believe it's already been over four years since the release of that song.

Anyways, went surfing at Bowls, 2-3 ft. faces. Yesterday sucked - there were maybe 1-2 ft faces. Bowls is a surf spot right behind my apartment in Hawaii. There are 2 other spots next to it - Kaiser's and Rock pile. Kaiser's is sweet when it's high tide. I don't surf Rock pile because of the name - I've been there once and I gashed my foot open. I guess in actuality, I surf between Bowls and Kaiser's. There are 2 remote buoys about 100 yards out which we use to triangulate our location. We normally try to stay between the buoys - it's still slightly shallow, and infested with vana (Hawaiian for sea urchins) - but we make the best of it. The added advantage is the channel runs the current back out if you ride one in.

Surfing today was significant because of the fact that no one else was really out there. We surfed for a good 2 hours, and a couple other people did show up, but no one really bothered coming to where Dillon and I were surfing because of the extremely shallow conditions. My longest ride of the day shot me past the only other people out in the area. It was a Japanese girl with a surf instructor who I've seen out there in the past. He ended up giving me good surf tips and told me I was leaning too hard into the wave... whatever that means.

Oh, I'm beginning to lose my fear of axing myself in the face with reef. Today I began pushing my ability to turn to it's fullest. Turning whilst going down the face of the wave without losing balance is something I've been dedicating my life into perfecting. I do not yet have the ability to completely turn without having to place my hand in the water in the direction I need to turn. It is a very similar feeling to paddling in a canoe and sticking your paddle in the water to slow you down or turn. It is an exhilarating experience though when it's low tide: when you're standing and you look down, it's as if you're flying over a crazy ass fucking comet from the depths of the universe, and there is literally only a foot or so of water between you and death. Mahalo.