There's Some Serious Pollinating Going On Outside

I left my friend’s place yesterday because he refused to let himself be bothered by a bee that was trapped inside the kitchen. I tried to tell him that you can’t just do nothing. I heard from a vegetarian once that if you stop eating meat, most insects cease to be attracted to you. Sorry we can’t all be perfect.

Spring is a great time of season to be reminded that the past several months of cold dead climate weren’t responsible for making you feel like shit, you just feel like that all year round. In order to reconcile my disappointment I would like to share with you some of my favorite activities to embark upon during this interesting turn of events we call springtime.

1. I call this one “Going Outside And Wondering What Other People Think Of You.” In spring the TV and your family tell you about all sorts of activities you can do. My favorite is taking a walk in one of my town’s parks. Thoughts come to mind while basking in the splendor of all this leafiness and of course the birds. It’s typical to see more people outside doing the same thing as you and that’s why I wonder what it really means to be a part of society again. This spurs the blossoming of doubt, and such aromatic questions as: Which Nine Inch Nails t-shirt should I wear tomorrow (Wearing dark clothing means absorbing more wavelengths of light, that means feeling warm longer as every trace of optimism is drained from your soul by the chilling apathy of the masses)? Will volunteering my services to help clean up our town’s parks get me laid? And Should I get a dog?

2. “Driving around with the windows down, playing music loudly.” Playing LCD Soundsystem and Le Tigre on a nice day can improve your mood, so why not share the love with your neighborhood despite the conservative majority in this town who would spit on your esoteric tastes?

3. “Visiting your favorite street corner.” Or the alternative: “Hanging out with your ex-girlfriend.”

Let the celebration begin!