Here are my reasons for pursuing this inquiry:
1. Seeing as how my old high-school is next door to the library, I wanted to see if any attractive high-school girls were starring at me. I try to look my best every day I go there, and it's nice to see your efforts appreciated by a quick eye-fuck. Nothing ever comes of it, of course, there's a police station next door as well and there's no fucking way I'm going back in the hole!
2. There's this old lady who comes there every day and is always wearing either turquoise or lavender colored pants. On the chair she sits on she places a single blank sheet of letter size paper which I assume is there to protect her from microbes. My interest in her is two fold: first I can tell the day of the week by the color of her pants, and second I have been trying to see if her paper-on-the-chair strategy is viable in slowing the rate by which the microbes have been eating away at myself and the other library goers.
3. You can't drink anything in the Library. Not coffee, not frusion™ yogurt smoothies, not even water. In fact, anything that's essential to being comfortably alive for more that 3 hours has to be "enjoyed in the Friend's Room". The only "Friends" in that place are a soft drink machine and an 70-something year old woman who's not what I would call a conversation starter. That's why I keep my drinks carefully concealed and always look around before I take a sip.
4. I have untreated ADD.
My findings (corresponding with the numbers above):
1. There are no really hot high-school girls at the library. Turns out they're doing exactly what I was doing after school when I was that age: smoking dope and blowing older dudes at frat parties (that's actually a lie, I was at track practice).
2. That psychedelic lady wasn't there today. See you in hell bitch.
3. My friend M. Longo says that you can't smell it if a person's been drinking top shelf vodka. Is this true?
4. These markings on my desk certainly do look peculiar. At first glance they seem like to have been made unintentionally by years of wear, but you can never discount the genius of some of these high-school pranksters. Now if only I could decipher their code...
Generally speaking, I try to keep my presence low key while I'm in this place. Imagine my embarrassment when a very loud startup tone issued from my mac earlier today while I was installing a Boot ROM update. I was certain the library hags would descend upon me, but the outcome was worse than I expected. The young lady who sat in the cubicle adjacent to me took her leave! I didn't even get to glance at her enough times (I go for 1 look every 30 minutes) to figure out if I thought she was attractive.
I also decided to take out a book today, something that I haven't done at this library since I was 15 years old and lost interest in libraries. At the checkout counter I was told that I had roughly $10 in fines to pay for several books I took out 7 years ago. You can imagine my reluctance when that's perfectly good weed money. However, I could not take my book home otherwise so I paid the fine. On the plus side, I now have the ability to borrow CD's and DVD's from the library which I will of course be ripping to my computer before returning.
On my next visit I think I'll ask for a job application. Judging by the way the Friends Room attendant is looking at me there should be an opening pretty soon. Zing!
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